Health update type stuff

Probably needs editing down brutally – but I needed to write it out.

I’ve always viewed this quote as a kind of reaffirmation of the ’One Thing A Day’ approach that Michael Nobbs encourages on his site ’Sustainably Creative’. It was something that I clung to when filling in the horrid ESA form*, (I have to prove on a regular basis that my incurable illness hasn’t been cured and that I’m still unable to work.)

Blog posts like this take a few sessions to do over a period of days. Sometimes they remain as unfinished fragments forever, other times I slowly tap tap tap away at them little by little, fighting a constant battle with predictive text because my spelling is now so awful the poor thing never really knows what I mean and I regularly leave the spellchecker totally in the dark. Plus there’s the poor coordination and the regular muscle spasms – things end up on the floor a lot in this house…

But what if never stopping is a bad thing?

I’ve been really ill recently. The steady decline has resulted in a low blood count and even lower iron levels. So medication changes have been implemented. The iron tablets seemed to be helping my appetite, the side effects minimal – often being constipated due to all the pain meds was hopefully going to be counteracted by the iron. Then I started the new SSRI.

For almost 2 weeks I was unable to go more than a few yards away from the toilet. Permanently bedbound, slowly getting frailer and frailer, couldn’t keep food in me, dehydrated due to the repeated violent fluid loss. GP disagreed with my google-fuelled conclusion that it was the new SSRI and laid blame on the iron. Obviously I’d stopped both days before I managed to speak to her. She told me to wait ten days-ish for my dysfunctional bowel to calm down then try the SSRI again.

Problem was, I’ve been taking an SSRI for over 5 years, so as well as the allergy there were now medication withdrawal symptoms joining the party. Last few weeks have been hellish. Sleep deprivation reached unbearable levels and as a consequence so did my pain levels. ‘Dr Morphine’ has had to be called upon far more than I’m happy about.

20130922-175702.jpgSo I had to stop. No more one little thing a day, but days and days of NOTHING. I’ve hated it and resented it and tried to fight it.
Which has wasted energy frankly, and made sleep even more elusive.
Rather cross with myself.

Anyway, restarted the new SSRI on Wednesday. So far so, um, ok. Managing some sleep for the first time in way too long, so wish me luck.
Not sure how long it’ll be before I’m brave enough to figure out what to do about the need for iron though…

*It took me almost the whole 4 weeks to get it done. I needed help, I couldn’t work on it at all some days due to one symptom or another, days I could do something I could only manage short 15 minute sessions. It all served to highlight the difference between the ill me and the healthy me. The me who could once (and often had to) write reports all day…which to be honest was, mood wise, a total downer.



  1. Sometimes stopping completely is the only way to make progress in the long term, but if you are anything like me you come to that realisation a bit later than is ideal! Hope things are on an upward turn now.

    • Thanks sweet lady 🙂 yeah, I am indeed slow to realise it. I have a sort of resentful refusal to seeing it I suspect, which (as I think it was you who pointed out) is a waste of energy too… Steep learning curve this being ill malarkey eh what?
      Also the opposite is true though. Perhaps. I’ve been unable to do much at all for so long now that I feel almost like there’s nothing I can manage any more. The caravan situation is weighing very heavily on my mind right now. Not sure if I’m truly not well enough yet or if it’s just fear of feeling truly awful again so soon.

      Oh! Your postcard arrived today 🙂 thanks ever so much. Cheered me up. There’s just something extra special about snail mail these days. (((Hugs)))

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