A series of unfortunate events on Monday led to me having one of my periodic meltdowns. (I’m sure it would be healthier if I cried more often.)
Every now and again I feel so overwhelmed that I, not only decide that I can’t cope, but that I don’t want to cope anymore. Everything seems bleak and hopeless and my vision narrows down to a black tunnel where only the negative things are in focus.
My insomnia is still bad and I know how negatively that impacts upon my mood, but logic is powerless sometimes and it’s hard to drag yourself up out of the pit of despair.
I love decorating the house for Christmas (I have a twinkly light obsession.) and the decorations usually start to go up on the first of December. There’s been one year since I got sick, and before I found the Christmas tree ‘in a box’, that there’s been no big tree. But even that year there were all the other usual decorations up.
This year there’s nothing but Christmas cards up.
It’s also the first year in ages that I haven’t made or printed my own Christmas cards. The last year or so has beaten me down, and I’ve neither the energy nor the will to do anything festive. My Mum even wrote about this lack of a tree etc on her Facebook wall.
A friend asked to pop round with her daughter on Christmas Eve, but after Monday’s meltdown I figured I wouldn’t have the energy to cope with conversation plus I knew that my cousin would make a flying visit to do the present collection/delivery thing for us, so I said no.
My cousin arrived as we were eating lunch, but he wasn’t alone, his mum and fiancée were with him and they stayed to chat.
His fiancée had read Mum’s status update, and they brought with them a REAL little Christmas tree, decorated, and with battery operated lights.
Which made me cry.
Thank you Paul and Kathryn, it’s the little thoughtful things in life that make a massive difference.
I’m also massively grateful to more than one online friend who, kindly arranged by fate, wrote some really thoughtful, kind and uplifting things to me yesterday and today.
I am truly blessed.
Each person that took the time to write to me has lifted me out of the darkness.
I wish the same well timed blessings to all who read this, and those who don’t. Here’s an Irish blessing to you all (written on a gift given years ago from the friend who wanted to visit today. Hopefully I’ll see her soon.)
“May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May (your) God hold you in the palm of His hand.”
Merry Christmas and a blessed new year.