It may be just a fibro thing…or it could be a run of too much stress/drama/added illness. It could even just be my peri-menopausal hormones. Goodness knows.
Fibro folks are pretty overly sensitised to…well, everything, so its not like this is a strange occurrence. But I feel…unsettled. Ungrounded, like things are shifting. Could be the time of year of course. I’ve always hated january – march. Partly because, I suspect, of that whole lack of sunlight thing. But also most of the deaths in the family have always happened in these dark months – starting with my Dad when I was 12.
But I’m trying to turn this into a positive, (not the deaths, heh, not much point in attempting the impossible.) but rather the time of the year.
I find myself becoming more and more fascinated by pagan rituals and other earth centred belief systems. We’re heading towards Imbolc
and I like the idea of January being a time of reflection and release.
I’m slowly working my way through this workbook
and doing the eCourse
that I’ve previously mentioned…and it feels the right month to be doing that.
I suspect it will snow overnight. (Not sure why, haven’t seen any weather forecasts…i just keep seeing snow. Odd.) But it will fit in with the feeling of hibernation and seclusion. The need for calm and quiet.
So…yeah…art and mental health. It’s a topic I hope I can manage to write about with some clarity in the coming years, because it keeps me sane.
Yes really – my life has narrowed to a fraction of what it was, but in many ways its also much richer. I owe that richness mostly to my two iGadgets. I can loose myself in a creative world either of my own or that of a myriad of talented other souls, all with a tap of my finger on a smooth screen.
Insomnia is another constant companion to fibromyalgia – and the other night whilst feeling (as usual) exhausted but unable to sleep, my most overwhelming feeling was of sensory overload. So I immersed myself in the quiet construction of the above image. It may not look like much – but it helped me enormously. No expectations or intent…just following instinct. Doing what felt right. The flow getting smoother as I became more focused. Its a kind of waking meditation if that makes any sense?
I suspect that’s what I ought to be doing right now…hope wherever you are, you’re safe and warm with a smooth path before you. Able to do what’s best for you.
Hope the Sandman brings me sleep tonight…